Is this Ok? Is it too jerky?

But the truth remains the same. I will never be perfect, and you'll never like me the way you liked your other friends. I'm not as tall as a runway model, I'm not as svelte as Giselle B眉ndchen, I don't have the figure of Megan Fox, nor do I have her blue eyes. Even with my brown hair and brown eyes I don't look like Jennifer Garner and I don't have Kristen Stewarts' smile. I don't sing like the lady on Britain's got talent and Im far too clumsy to ever make it down a runway in some ridiculous garb that even Aphrodite wouldn't be able to pull off. I'm allergic to makeup and I can't dance like Shaun Johnson or Selena Gomez or Shakira. I don't have the face of Angelina Jolie, nor am I married to brad Pitt. I've never dated a guy like Taylor Lautner,Chace carwford or robert pattinson who all my friends want. I've never dated, or gone out on a date, or kissed a boy, my temper gets ahold of me yet I don't have the strength to save you from a band of evil alien ningas. For petes sakes, I'm still immature enough to imagine such an attack. And anyhow, no one is evil. It is all a matter of sympathy, empathy, point of veiw and selfishness.

I've never done anything to break your heart, and I've never held enough of you envoke your jealousy.

But I'm smart. Maybe I am not an eistein, portia, minerva, saraswati or a Metis. But I'm still smart. I may not be perfect, but there isn't a soul in this world can stand before the whole world and proclaim their perfection in all honesty. I may not be a helen of troy, angelina jolie, or an Aphrodite but I am still growing, maybe one day i will be like one of them and anyhow, those beauties are few, and thus remembered for their singularity/beauty.

I see flaws in myself , but everyone is flawed in some way, no matter how minute. My hair is brown, as are my eyes, but that's alright. Brown is the color of the trees and the color of chocolate. Brown is the color of the life giving earth and the color of almonds and pecans. Brown is the color of chocolate icecream on dates, the color of the chocolate chip cookies I used to make with my parent and the color of soft sweet smelling bread. Brown may be everywhere, but brown is still the color of happyness and life and chocolate smiles. I was never cute and copper colored nor was I ever brilliant bronze. I was soft cream, and then, when I grew older and the sun darkened me I became light caramel. Just because something isn't in fashion doesn't mean it's not pretty.





There are a few typos. and misspellingsIs this Ok? Is it too jerky?
This is good, I liked it, though like above answerers have said.. way too much at one time..



Good luck



JacuuIs this Ok? Is it too jerky?
wow. thats all i can say. wow. you are going to be the greatest writer of the next century
I think it is a bit jerky, - why is she comparing herself to all these people? You made her sound like a horrible person, like there is NO good qualities about her. It is really clear to see your an excellent writer ! But, I cant help but notice that you rambled on and on and on. Compare yourself to ONE celebrity, and do not list all your flaws in one piece. Explain them as you go on, in conversation with a man have her thinking ';it is times like these that I wish my experience with the dating world was a little bit higher, but sadly not, my dates have been nil, as have my relationships.'; you dont want to put it all onto the reader at one time - its a bit too much,.



Please answer mine ! ( i know its anoyying when people do this - but im really having trouble with a piece of my novel.)



http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuBYp9x83Ur2KpxpLrsvwHHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090821084217AAtuNxy
It seems slightly repetitive and childish. Yes, your friend is biased. No matter how good your writing is or isn't, her opinion will always be biased.



Like I said, you repeat descriptions and icons (e.g. Aphrodite). Its a rant, it doesn't seem to move your story in any way. And the descriptions are silly, who wants to show off by saying ';I'm not a greek goddess, but hey, my eyes are the color of nuts.'; Try to be a little more poetic.



You mention specific celebrities way too often. And I don't like to take the time to give positive feedback (no matter how good or bad the writing is) to a person who hasn't taken the time to first perfect their writing. (e.g. people who submit their work when they know its plagued with misspellings and errorss)



Honestly, I disagree with the above answerers (all of whom I expect are young teen writers). I don't think that you have used good writing here.



good luck and happy writing!
Very jerky, but it does remind me a lot of some of the newer post-modern type writers.



I don't know how I feel about all the comparisons; it seems like a lot of name dropping, but it's not bad. I'm definitely liking it a lot more than all the Twilight lot rip-offs I see here all the time.
Bravi. Chuckle. See ya around rival. Perhaps we can chat some time. acwid2@yahoo.com. All writers are rivals, but who says we can't be friends either? Good luck.
It is not at all jerky... its amazing!! Wow I wish i could write like that, and you get thumbs up for mentioning Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson... lol.
What's it supposed to be saying? What's the point of this infodump?



To me it reads like you discovered what a Mary Sue is and are going out of your way to point out how your character isn't one. Doesn't work, I'm afraid.