Do I have HOCD or am I in denial?? HELP ME PLEASE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!?

HELP ME!! HOCD is completely take over my life! I need someone to help me understand if it’s the OCD or am I living in denial.



Here is my story on what happened that fateful day that had changed my life.



It was April 17, 2010 I was watching an Episode of Glee I had recorded on my DVR. I was paying close attention to actor Cory Monteith thinking OMG HE IS SUPER HOT and the scene where “Finn” breaks up with “Rachel” got me thinking if I ever had a boyfriend and he breaks up with me the way “Finn” did I would seriously castrate him. That got me to even more thinking how come I never had a boyfriend or why doesn’t any boy want me. I mean I’m 21 years old with no boyfriend (ever) and still a virgin WHAT THE HELL. I’ll admit I’m super shy around guys. That got me to even more thinking I really need to get over my fear of being shy. Then I went back to paying attention to the TV and on screen popped up to girls holding each other pinkies and I got to thinking “maybe I’m gay?” BAMB!!!! I had a severe panic attract my whole life flashed before my eyes. “I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay” my mind kept repeating like a mantra. WTF I know for a FACT there is nooooo way I’m gay. I am irrevocably in love no OBSESSED with Robert Pattinson. I literally fantasize about him in character as Edward Cullen 24/7. Now all day everyday my mind tells me “I’m gay” you’re a lesbian” my mind wont even let me fantasize about Robert Pattinson or look at a picture or seeing him on TV anymore without my mind saying “these are fake thoughts your gay so stop thinking about him” I can’t even read Twilight Fanfics because the voice in my head keeps repeating “you’re a lesbian” Now every time I watch TV I start paying closer attention to the women on screen. There is absolutely no attraction to them. So I don’t get where my mind is telling me I’m gay. My thoughts are getting soooo bad that I’m even losing attraction to guys (Robert Pattinson) also. I literally repeat to myself everyday “your not gay” “you love Robert Pattinson” “your straight” What do I do? I can barely eat, and sleep without these thoughts popping into my head. Even when I’m not thinking it my mind forces me to think it. Do I have HOCD or am I in Denial because I don’t even know myself anymore. PLEASE, PLEASE WHAT DO I DO???Do I have HOCD or am I in denial?? HELP ME PLEASE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!?
I have suffered years with OCD and i can tell you that this is 100% HOCD. You are not a lesbian because these thoughts don't feel natural to you. You need to calm down and realise that it doesn't matter and when you realise that it doesn't matter you'll know that you are straight. You are panicking, which makes the OCD worse and your mind keeps trying to convince you and test you. This is how OCD works.



you have HOCD!!!!! you are not gay!!!Do I have HOCD or am I in denial?? HELP ME PLEASE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!?
I'd say that is a BAD case of HOCD, indeed.

You poor thing. :'(



..I think you should go talk to an understanding shrink about it.

There are meds available, aren't there..? Maybe you should try that.
i dont think your gay, i just think your making your self believe it, like making an excuse why u havnt had a bf... its not a bad thing that u havnt slept with a guy,at least you havnt just gone round sleeping with every guy you get a chance with.. u will get a guy that will appreciate it one day..trust me.....
Panic attacks, whatever the source, require the assistance of a psychologist, not Y!A. See a shrink.
From you're description, I'd say you are **normal**, and are getting confusing messages from different parts of your personality. See these:



http://sfhelp.org/gwc/personality.htm



http://sfhelp.org/gwc/IF/letter.htm



http://sfhelp.org/gwc/dialog.htm and



http://sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm



Get to know your fear - what's so awful about being bisexual or lesbian? There is NOTHING shameful about either one. You might find ';Brain Sex'; by Anne Moir and David Jessel interesting.



I wish you peace and self-acceptance!
Sounds like you're just another regular dumb tween. One thing you don't have though is the comprehension of when to use ';you're'; %26amp; ';your.';